(20F) Struggling with an Eating Disorder While (20M) Partner Doesn’t Understand It’s a Mental Illness, Not a Diet Issue

My eating disorder has taken over so much of my life, and i feel so alone that my boyfriend doesn’t seem to see it for what it really is. He treats it like it’s just a diet problem or something I could “fix” if I tried harder, but it’s so much more than that. It’s a mental disorder one that controls my thoughts, emotions, and even my ability to function some days. I’ve expressed this before but I’m not sure if he truly understands how it affects my daily life.

I wish he could see that this isn’t a choice I’m making. I don’t want to feel this way, but my mind won’t let me stop. The guilt, the anxiety, the constant battle inside it’s exhausting. And when I try to explain it, I feel so anxious and embarrassed that I just shut down. Being vulnerable is so hard for me, and I feel like I’m failing at communicating what I need.

I want help. I really do. But every time I think about taking that step, I feel paralyzed, like my body and mind are holding me hostage. I just wish my boyfriend could see how damaging this is to me, mentally and emotionally, and that it’s not just about food or weight for me it’s about control, self worth, and pain.

Sometimes it feels like I’m drowning in my depression, anxiety, and this eating disorder. I even have moments where I think everyone would be better off without me, but then the guilt hits, and I hate myself even more for thinking that way. I’m lost, stuck in this endless loop of self doubt and despair.

If anyone has been through this, how did you find a way to make people understand? Or how did you start getting the help you needed? I just don’t know what to do anymore. I hope you guys are having a good day 🫶