ABYG na nakipag break ako sa boyfriend ko?

Alright so a week ago, PRC just posted that meron ng oathtaking for this specific profession. So everyone really went on the website to try and secure an oathform para makabili ng physical tickets. Me and my boyfriend were able to pass the board exam so basically, we had to try and secure the oathform. Unfortunately, we have been trying for 6 hours to secure pero laging nag ccrash yung website.

After ilang oras, I have a friend who was able to secure an oathform na and she also offered if she wants us na siya nalang mag secure ng oathform for us since nahelp niya na rin yung other naming friends na makapag secure without stress. So siyempre, I agreed na siya nalang mag secure for me. Then after a few minutes, she was able to secure my oath form na so it means I can line up to purchase my ticket.

Of course, I asked my boyfriend if he wants na yung friend ko nalang mag secure for him since I've been friends with this girl since forever so I really do trust her and my boyfriend also met her na and had small talk na din before. My friend even volunteered na siya nalang mag register for my boyfriend para daw magkasama kami sa oathtaking. But my boyfriend declined and sabi niya siya nalang daw, then I asked if he's sure then he said yes daw. After 30 minutes, I asked if kumusta siya then he said he's frustrated na and di pa rin niya naaccess yung website and I asked AGAIN if he wants na yung friend ko nalang ulit mag secure for him since hindi naman busy and nag kusang loob na ang friend ko mismo, he declined AGAIN.

During that night, he wasn't able to secure his oathform kaya hindi siya pwede bumili ng tickets since required nga siya. Ako naman I woke up at 4am since I am planning to line up by 5am, then I checked the website of PRC and it was working already. I contacted my boyfriend and told him that he should secure his oath form na since the website is already working and wala ng traffic. From Active 3h ago status, he went online but didn't open my message so I'm assuming he ignored my message. So ako naman unbothered naman sa ganyan since pag morning, may tendency din ako na ayaw ko kumausap ng tao pero if nabasa ko naman message, gagawin ko yung sinahi then reply later nalang.

Then habang naka pila na ako, he messaged me and said na okay na oath form niya. Then I told him na ibigay na sa akin yung oath form niya and authorization letter and ID para ako nalang bumili ng ticket niya and he said ipapasuyo nalang daw niya sa friend niya, so okay wala namang problema. Then ayun fast forward, naka secure na ako ng ticket and all and umuwi na ako ng province agad. Tapos he was able to secure his ticket the following day pa, pumila rin naman siya with his friends and again, wala naman problema sakin at all.

Pero during the time na I was able to secure a ticket, he was very cold and parang noreply siya sa mga replies sakin like very nonchalant lang. I asked if he was okay or kung may problema ba sa amin and he said wala naman daw and okay lang siya. Naiinis lang daw siya sa website ng PRC since ganoon nga napaka traffic. So I understand naman kasi kahit sino mababadtrip talaga.

Fast forward again to the night na he was able to secure his ticket with his friends (the day after I was able to secure a ticket) he asked if how was he doing as my partner. I told him lang na ang hirap niya basahin if may problem ba siya about sa relationship namin since may pagka moody din talaga siya and may problem siya with communicating. Then sabi niya okay noted then I love you ganyan. Tapos I returned the question back, if how am I doing as his partner and he said naman na parang hindi ko daw siya iniinclude sa buhay ko and feeling niya na lagi daw siya wala sa frame ng buhay ko, and I asked like for what instance? Then he mentioned about the PRC thing na hindi man lang daw ako nag offer ng sarili ko na tulungan siya since nakapag secure na ako ng oathform ko. Like sana man lang daw nag offer ako na hingin yung account niya para mag try ako sa mga devices ko. Then I was confused kasi alam niya rin naman na hindi ko ma access yung website ng PRC and hindi ako yung nag secure ng oathform ko and sabi ko sakanya na twice ko hiningi account niya para yung friend ko ang mag register since doon ako nakapag register. Ang point niya daw is sana man lang daw inoffer ko muna sarili ko bago ko i-offer yung iba. So nafrustrate ako lalo kasi hindi ko gets bakit niya pinipilit na hintayin niya yung offer ko na itry ko by myself eh hindi ko nga ma access yung website and hindi ako yung nakapag register on my own. Sabi ko na mas magegets ko pa kung ako yung naka secure ng oathform by myself tapos hindi ako nag offer na tulungan siya. Mas pinili ko lang na ioffer yung most efficient way para makapag secure siya ng ticket and sabay kami makapag oathtaking. And sinabi ko na ang cliché ng gusto niyang gawin ko wherein time is running and paunahan maka secure ng oathform. Uunahin ko pa bang subukan kung alam ko naman na yung friend ko is nakakapag secure sa device niya.

After a few hours, sobrang init pa rin ng ulo ko kasi nag sorry siya na nababadtrip lang daw siya sa mga ka work niya and di niya na daw alam ginagawa niya and all that. Pero etong "ex" ko kasi, may habit rin siya na pag badtrip siya, hinahayaan ko siya mag rant sakin like mag vent out, walang problema. Willing ako makinig para ma-ilabas niya lahat ng sama ng loob niya. Then ugali niya rin na pag may problem siya about our relationship, magiging cold siya, very nonchalant and mararamdaman mo na may problema siya pero hindi mo lang sure kung may problema ba siya about us or about sa ganap niya in life. Then pag tinatanonng ko naman if okay lang ba kami, or if may nagawa ba ako, or if may gusto ba siyang sabihin, ang sasabihin niya wala then biglang magsasabi ng I love you. So of course, on the receiving end, hindi ka masasatisfy since yung treatment niya is very incongruent sa sinasabi niya na okay lang siya. Then pag tinanong ulit, okay nga lang daw siya ganon, wala lang daw sa mood. Pero may gusto pala siyang sabihin, nung mga una siguro naiintindihan ko pa kasi siyempre as new partners, medyo takot ka pa rin talaga mag open up ng problema. Pero matagal na kami like 5 months na kami and siguro mga 4x ko na siyang nirereassure na if may problem siya, sabihin na niya agad para mabigyan siya ng peace of mind and hindi na maka affect sa ADLs niya. Sabi ko din na ang hirap mang hula kung okay ba siya o hindi kasi adults na rin naman na kami and hindi naman siguro ganon ka kitid yung utak namin pag may ioopen up yung partner and kako lahat ng bagay mapaguusapan. Pero parang wala pa din nangyayari, kaya neto I decided to break up since I've communicated it often times and still wala pa din nangyayari.

ABYG na nakipagbreak ako dahil sa point niya nung di siya maka access sa PRC website and narealize ko na nakakapagod na paulit ulit nalang yung ilang beses ko na siyang nireassure na pag may problem siya, magsabi lang siya agad kasi mapaguusapan namin pero lagi niya ako pinapahirapan na magiging cold muna siya. Nadrain nalang ako kakaisip and feeling ko hindi pa kami same ng maturity and principles dahil siya mas gusto niya na maging sweet ako kahit crisis na yung nangyayari pero ako gusto ko efficiency haha idk