I feel like my loneliness and depression stems from the fact that I don’t really have any purpose, anything driving me or anything to live for. So how do I find these things?

For most of my life, I’ve been alone. Even though I have parents that argue and bicker about whatever bullshit, and that I get frustrated with them, I know in my heart that they love me and want me to have a good life. They’ve never hurt me or anything like that. But besides them and other close family members, I don’t really have anyone.

I thought going to social events like through an app called Meetup would help, and in some ways it has, but it’s not made an impact. When I’m with these people, everyone’s nice as can be, but I don’t really talk to them outside of it and go home alone (and none of them ever ask me if they want to meet again). So my attempts at making friends has gone sub optimally so far.

On that subject, though, I did meet a girl on Discord (from a server where people on my city chat), and we hung out for a few hours on Tuesday. It was nice. Genuinely. We got on so well and, even though I did try and politely flirt with her, she made it clear she just wanted to remain friends and I was completely okay with that. After all, better to have one than none, right?

But, even though I’ve been off from work all week and have literally all the time in the world to do what I want when I want, go where I want when I want, I still feel empty inside. Empty, and like I should be doing more on these days off than just playing video games and going out places. But I don’t know what I should do or where I should go.

So I’m coming here for advice. I want to be okay being with myself, I guess. I’ve never really been able to, but I guess I don’t have any other choice when there’s no one else to talk to and nothing to do.