I can't accept no being cis

Shoot me and make it hurt because I fucking hate this miserable life that I've been given. Idk who I pissed off so much that they would put me in a body thats not mine. There is nothing in this world that would make me wish this upon someone else.

HRT, surgery, etc will never make me cis and I cannot cope with that. I hate being able to relate to women and not men. I hate not being able to answer "guy questions". I hate that people think I'm automatically better than cis men because I'm trans. No matter how many positive experiences I get told about being trans, I can't imagine I could ever be happy or satisfied with myself. I don't think I will ever belong anywhere. I'm such a freak. I wish conversion therapy would work.