Im lost

I lost my grandmother 2 weeks and 4 days ago. My parents didn't tell me anything until the day before the funeral because of some issues with me in the past. I didn't feel anything that time like it didn't affect me I cried when I found out but that's it for 2 weeks I had no emotions. 3 days ago now I have been crying non stop, feeling guilty, remebering the last moments ect. It's taken a toll on me and I'm so lost why didn't I feel like this before it has just hit me I will never meet her again. My mind keeps remebering her dead body I don't want to remember that it hurts but it won't stop. I can't stop it won't stop it just won't someone helpppp please please please im begging you please help me