Reflections on family assimilation

I just needed a place to vent. I already feel guilty enough to even think these things, but I look at my family (Reform) and feel such tragedy and despair.

My cousins share descent from immigrant survivors of Russian Empire pogroms. On my side, my grandparents were Holocaust survivors.

Not a single one of my cousins has married Jewish - and that’s ok, it’s not something I ever thought twice about or criticized. But I just feel such a sense of profound loss. None of the children (7-11 years old) really identify with Judaism, none of them know even the basics of the holidays.

I know that this begins with the parents, who have no ties to synagogues, who have never taken them to services or observed the holidays (aside from Hanukkah, and a very weirdly goyische Passover that brought me and my parents to tears afterwards in private).

It’s just painful to witness their utter disconnection with it. I distinctly remember growing up wishing I could have been something that was “cool” and “not Jewish” because it carried so much baggage. I’ve grown since then, and become proud of it.

It’s nothing I feel is my right to speak on or criticize my cousins about how they’re raising their children. I just feel a sense of profound loss and mourning. I struggle to fathom having children of my own (in part because of many health problems I contend with) and ultimately the choice to engage with Judaism belongs to the children. I just like to leave the door open for them and let them walk through if they should ever wish. I would never expect or force participation in my own practices, so I’ve turned to the idea of education. There are so many ways to keep the culture and traditions alive, and it’s my choice to want to engage in it and in my Jewish community in a more active and involved way.

Again, I don’t criticize interfaith families! I think it can be so beautiful. I just mourn the traditions in my family and I know I will fight to keep them alive for myself. One day in the future, maybe it will be something they choose. Maybe they won’t. My cousins started falling away from the culture long before any of them got married.

I just needed to share how much grief I’ve felt this holiday season, and how alone I feel in my own age cohort having watched our family elders dying out.