Have you given up on finding the “one”?

Full disclosure: it’s 4 AM and I can’t go back to sleep.

I’m turning 45 this year and have been living alone now for almost 20 years. Had roommates in my 20’s and HATED the idea of “breaking up the band” but ADULTING. Have had a couple of (brief) romantic relationships and a ton of casual encounters. But most people that I meet don’t interest me or vice versa. And when I have fallen head over heels it’s been with narcissists who liked keeping me around but had no romantic interests. During those times they were the focal point of my life. It was exhausting and frankly I don’t think I have the energy (or desire) to be batted around like that again. I tell myself I am content and self-medicating helps A LOT but…anyone else feel this way?