anyone else boymoding while on hrt?

currently almost 10 months on hrt and still boymoding. i feel like at some point i will just pass but also not being able to be fully out is painful. i wish i could’ve just been born a girl. like fearing for my life over coming out to my parents is such a crazy thing and should not exist. why can’t everyone just accept us for who we are. like there always has to be an agenda. i just wanna live my life without the fear of being ridiculed by the people around me. ugh