First day of being single after six years
AN UPDATE
Gusto ko lang magpasalamat sa mga nagcomment dito sa post ko. I really found comfort in all what you had to say. I've been having a really difficult couple of weeks. Ramdam ko to the point that I'm contemplating about talking to a professional.
I did reach out to two friends. Actually, they're cousins ni ex pero pinsan na rin turing ko sakanila. They did not demand a story, which I was very grateful for. Cinomfort lang nila ako and reminded me na they're always there for me - a message away. Malaking bagay na sakin yun, now na mahina ang loob ko. But of course, since pinsan sila ni ex, I should reach out to other friends soon. Pero not now, parang hindi pa ako ready.
To continue the story, ex and I kept contact after my first post (we had a lot of errands lined up pa kasi) pero hindi kami officially nagkabalikan. Sinubukan pa namin ayusin talaga pero wala na talaga. I know we'll end up breaking each other more. I think natanggap ko na, na iba na yung life niya sa US at para lang talaga ako sa buhay niya sa Pilipinas.
Today, we fought again. I think totoo na tong break up namin. Doon na rin naman papunta. I said everything I wanted to say, I know I hurt her. Ngayon na-gi-guilty ako for hurting her with what I said, pero I need to stay firm with my decision. Iniisip ko nalang, nasaktan din naman ako at yung pain na to, hindi ko alam kung kelan matatapos. Her mistake will leave a mark on me for a long time or even forever. Hindi niya nga kasalanan yung mga circumstances na meron siya ngayon, pero kasalanan niya kung paano siya nag-react sa mga binabato sakanya ng life. Her choices, her consequences.
Anyway, nilapag ko lang para kapag may urge akong ichat siya ulit. Maalala ko to lahat. Time to focus on myself and my healing.
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My long-time girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. Ngayon palang nagsisimulang mag-sink-in sa akin lahat. Nagsimula kaming mag-LDR a few months ago when she moved to another country. Before she left, halos live-in na rin kami ng dalawang taon. Our relationship grew so much kaya akala ko kakayanin talaga namin to. Magtitiis lang kami ng konti. Last week lang, nangangarap kami na madala niya rin ako doon. Then, this week bigla nalang nagbago lahat.
Hindi ko kayang masabi yung reason niya kasi hindi ako agree sa decision niya. Kahapon ko pa sinu-supress yung emotions ko through being busy, work, gala etc. Ngayon ako tinatamaan ng fact na mag-isa nalang ako. We agreed to keep our breakup to ourselves muna. Six years yun, we're deep into each others families and friends. They love us so much. I'm sure this news would break them. May part sa akin na gustong gusto i-message yung kaibigan ko para lang may kausap naman ako pero opening up would mean putting my ex in a bad light.
Hindi ko rin alam anong gagawin ko or paano ako sa mga susunod na araw. I've never been in a breakup, she was my first girlfriend. I was hoping she was my last. Yung mentality ko noon, asawa ko na yun eh hahaha. Ngayon, I don't think I can ever trust another person again.
I don't know how to start healing from this.