I want to be done with my ex

For context, we broke up around September. I broke up with her kasi I was in the lowest point in my life and I was not in the right state of mind nung time na yun. Ayoko na madamay siya sa kung ano man mangyare sakin. I tried to go no contact but couldn't help myself. I explained to her pero si niya siguro nagets or di siya agree sa decision ko and then she blocked me. She was the love of my life, she probably still is. Mahal na mahal ko siya and I'm trying to be better again kasi I want to be with her and spend the rest of my life with her.

Then nung pasko, I wanted to greet her nung holidays. Then I found that she hasn't block me sa isang texting app so I tried, but not before stalking her first. Then ayun, saw her with her new man. Hindi ko alam yung mafefeel ko. Gusto ko siyang sisihin kasi I thought there was still a chance for us and di ko inexpect na she's gonna move on that quick. Pero at the same time, sinisisi ko yung sarili ko for letting her go. She was there nung nasa ilalim ako pero I fucked it up.

Been trying to get her out of my system pero sobrang hirap. Siya lang yung babae na nakita ko yung sarili ko na magkakapamilya.

If mababasa mo man to, mahal na mahal kita. I wish you all the best in life, you deserve it. Take care always.

Edit: I just want to clarify, hindi ko siya sinisisi. Wala siyang kasalanan sakin at all, this is all on me. Nasabi ko lang na gusto ko siyang sisihin kasi I want it to be easier for me. Pero I don't blame her at all. She's perfect and I'm the one that fucked up.

Edit 2: Sa mga nagsasabi na nagccheat ako because of that comment I made, I didn't. Good job on you people for judging someone based off of that one comment. You don't even know the dynamic of our relationship pero go on ahead and judge. I don't mind everything na sinasabi niyo kasi I agree. But don't call me a cheater kasi ayokong maassociate sa mga ganung klaseng tao.