I can't stand my girlfriend being a fangirl.

I can’t stand my girlfriend being a fangirl.

We’re #wlw, by the way. My girlfriend is a big fan of BINI, and I don’t actually have a problem with that. It’s normal because I’m a fan of things too. It’s just that I think she’s crossing the line with the way she expresses her “fandom,” especially considering that she has a girlfriend. Sharing and supporting is fine, but literally every day, she reposts BINI edits, especially of Mikha. No joke, my TikTok gets flooded with her reposts, even though I don’t see anything about them on my own feed.

I also noticed that she comments things like “Babe 🔥” and “Luluhuran” on their posts. What’s worse, I found out she replies to some of them and even messages them, and she always sends the same flirty messages whenever someone posts a pretty picture, especially Mikha. It makes me uncomfortable. I look nothing like her, and it really makes me insecure.

I brought it up to her once, and we tried to talk it out and understand each other. I told her that what she’s doing makes me insecure and uncomfortable, and that I think it’s disrespectful to say and do those things all the time, especially when she already has me. I don’t even think it’s fangirling anymore and that it feels like she’s obsessing over them. Or maybe I’m the problem? I don’t know.

Fast forward to June 2024: After that conversation, things got better. She still shares posts, but not as often, and I tried my best to get over it and get used to it, even though it was really hard for me. Then, in December, I found out she went to their concert without telling me.

My heart dropped.

I had been doing so well, trying to accept the things she loves, and then she goes and lies to me? Worse, the concert was in November, so I only found out a month later. I felt so stupid. It honestly felt like I was being cheated on (maybe I’m being dramatic, but that’s how it felt). And the way I found out? I was just taking pictures on her phone when I decided to check her “hidden” album because I have access to it and I saw videos from the concert and tons of pictures of Mikha.

I’ve been cheated on before in my last relationship, many times. And this gave me the exact same feeling. It triggered my trauma.

I confronted her about it. I told her how I felt, how I had been going to see her just days before the concert, completely unaware that she was planning to lie to me. She even told me she was going on a staycation with her friends (which was technically true because she had pictures), but she had timed it to match the concert so I wouldn’t suspect anything.

I forgave her. But I told her that this was my last straw. If it happened again, I wouldn’t know what to do anymore. This has been an issue in our relationship for almost a year, and it still hasn’t been resolved. I told her that if she’s looking for someone who can put up with what she’s doing, then it’s not me because my heart can’t take seeing her obsess over another girl every single day. In my mind, it should be just me.

She said she would stop. And for a while, she did.

But surprise! Last week of January 2025, I was with her, and I went through her phone again. I found out that she was still liking posts and still making comments. But what hurt me the most was a message she sent to her friend.

She sent a clip of Mikha on TikTok being pretty and everything and said, “ANG SARAP.”

I was right next to her when I found out about that. The whole time, I tried to act cool until I got home. But the moment I got home, I snapped.

It hurt so much to know that’s how she sees another girl. And if she can say that about someone, then what’s stopping her from doing the same or worse, with someone she actually does talk to?

I got so scared. For the first time in three years, I blocked her. I’ve never done that before.

I can’t stop thinking about what she was feeling when she sent that message, knowing we’ve had so many issues about this already. Does she really care about me? Does she really love me?

I can’t tell anyone about this because I’m scared of being judged. I’ve been wanting to share this with someone for so long.

We’re trying to fix things again (I know, I’m weak), but honestly? I don’t even know what to feel anymore. Are my feelings valid?

I’m so tired.

Any thoughts?