For: Elevator Guy

Heyo. You're probably the new elevator guy we hired if you're reading this. Your job is pretty simple and pays pretty well, but there are a few rules that... management may have forgotten to mention.. All you really need to do, aside from following these rules, is send people to the floors they need to go to. You'll be taking evening shifts.

Rules:

1.) Your shift should start at around 8:00 p.m. If, by any chance, you find that the doors won't open, don't worry. Just call me, and I'll talk with management about it. You should be free to return home if this happens.

1a.) If the doors do open, enter the building and head towards the open elevator on the ground floor. There should be a stool for you to sit on if the night feels too long.

1b.) Bathrooms and Vending Machines should be close by the elevator at any floor. If either of the two isn't close, then quickly go back and move to another floor.

2.) At some point, there'll be a person with a party hat on who will try their darn best to.. invite you to a party of some sorts. They can look like anyone, so politely refuse. We are not hosting any parties of any kind here. They'll sound disappointed, but they will leave on the next floor you stop on.

3.) If the door opens and nobody's there, check the hall outside. If there's no one in the hallway, feel free to proceed as normal and head to the ground floor to wait for the next person to get on.

3a.) If there's a mannequin in the hall, then just throw whatever at it to scare it off. You can get it back once it leaves. It likes to stalk people sometimes and even scare folks here. We do not want another heart attack case, if I'm being honest.

4.) Around midnight or so, there'll be someone who will look exactly like you who will enter the elevator. It (mostly) means no harm, and it will get off at the next floor. Just try not to, uh.. speak to it or anything. For some reason, it doesn't like that. We've had to clean a lot of messes off of this elevator from it alone.

5.) At any point in the night and at any floor, a cat might wander into the elevator. His name is Scruffy, the building's resident cat. He's very friendly, so feel free to pet him before sending him to the third floor. If you're already at the third floor, you may bring him with you during your shift. We're not.. really sure how, but he can give you a bit of safety during your shift. Be sure to bring him back to the third floor after three hours though. He gets feisty if he has to stay for longer.

6.) For the love of God, ignore any and all laughter you may hear in the hall during the night. Don't investigate it, don't leave your spot. Just close the door and go down towards the ground floor. We can't help you if you ever leave your post when this happens.

6a.) If you're in the hall because of Rule 3a, Rule 7d, or any other reason, book it. Run as fast as you can towards the elevator. If the doors close without you in the elevator, then I'm so sorry.

7.) The lights can flicker or even turn off for a brief moment while the elevator is moving to another floor. If this happens, a variety of things can occur:

7a.) When the lights flicker back on and a cat wearing a green baseball cap appears, you can proceed as normal. He is friendly and will only scratch you if you try to take off his hat. His name is Jermy. Weird name, but it's the name he meows to, so we stuck with it. He can leave at any floor.

7b.) When the lights flicker back on and there's a red ball on the ground, don't touch it with your hands. It stings like hell. Feel free to kick it out of the elevator on your next stop, though. If you do get stung, feel free to call me about it in the morning, be sure to endure the pain though.

7c.) When the lights flicker back on and you feel that there is an overwhelming presence behind you, don't look. Just close your eyes, and after a little bit, it should be gone, hopefully. Pray if you have to. It's watching you.

7d.) When the lights flicker back on and there's a party hat on the ground, don't wear it. Refer to Rule 2. Just dispose of it in the next floor's trash bin. Be careful.

8.) Hearing something banging on the walls on the job is normal. It's best if you bring some headphones to drown out the noise until it stops. Don't open the doors whenever this happens. We're not liable if you don't follow this rule.

9.) There's a chance a teenage girl with black glasses might appear on any floor you stop on. She will always appear frightened and scared. Let her in, but don't speak with her, no matter how many times she pleads with you to help her. She'll scream if she has to, but she will run out the moment you reach another floor. Don't chase her, it's all part of her trick.

10.) If, by chance, two of the same events happen at the same time (i.e. teenage girl and party person), do the one that's easier/absolutely necessary first.

11.) Your shift should be done by 6:00 a.m. sharp. Once you reach the ground floor, you can take a piece of candy from the candy jar at reception. Don't be greedy though, we will know.

Aside from the rules above, it should be a fairly straightforward night, I think. Just help people get to their floors, whether it be other employees or just regular folks. Just try your best to follow these rules, tell people you're helping about the rules, and I'll hope to see you again sometime. If you have any complaints or suggestions, feel free to call me. Alright, uh.. I'll see you around. I hope.

- Daryll Peaks