Just need some reassurance

Im just 5 days post srs, still in the hospital with the bandages. I thought i was ready and still mostly think i was, definitely not regretting getting rid of the thing i had but i wasnt expecting my anxiety to be this bad though.

The nurses are saying that everything is normal and i trust them but im so fucking worried i'll ruin everything as soon as i do something. Worried that ill pull some stitches or that im gonna bleed out or starve myself, that ill get a uti and nobody'll notice until its too late (dont even know if there even is a too late to notice a uti). I got so nauseous that i puked yesterday and was terrified of pulling everything apart. Same almost happened today and im just now realizing its probably all this anxiety tahts been making me feel like taht. Im constantly trrrified of moving too much but also not enough, terrified of pooping and of not pooping, terrified of the catheter and pulling it out oar of it staying in.

Ive known i probably have an anxiety disorder for years but i procrastinated bc "ive survived this long on my own, i can keep doing it" really not the time for an ego check brain, we couldve done this literally any other time but here i am. Cant even cry properly bc that would ivolve curling up into a ball and that would hurt too much.

Sorry for the rambling and the typos but taking a few deep breaths isnt working anymore and idk what else to do.