uso pa ba happy crush? at 30-ish?

i have a bit of a crush on someone who i consistently talk to for a year already. consistent like every day walang skip. from spamming each other reels, memes, sharing pictures and videos of our furbabies, to venting work stuff or laughing at each other's trauma dump. or just "WYD? I'M BORED KWENTO KA" i'm always private and nonchalant, she's the one who always starts the conversation in person or in chat. until makatulugan na lang isa't isa. this is the every day setup. catch is, she's straight. never had wlw relationship. gets kilig lang to one or two wlw series couples. few times she was asked though if there's a chance she'd consider wlw, didn't answer straightforwardly. basta she doesn't judge naman daw people having same sex relationships and she even kissed a girl before for a bar fun. our friends think na by not answering straight up means she has the tendency to try wlw. i doubt. as much as it is convenient for me to be delulu, i think she was just being polite lang to say na she's not shutting her doors. when we talk naman wholly SFW and purely platonic. so platonic that i'm starting to hate myself for having a crush on her. this happy crush only started last november. you know that kind of moment when you're looking at someone then there's just a sudden ambient feeling of bliss? nakatingin ka lang at her laughing giddily then it hits na shit this can't be happening. this rly can't be happening i'm feeling so guilty i want to detach. i'm starting to feel pain in my gut knowing that i'll never stand a chance. it was a good one year having her as a constant company