I'm questioning my sexuality, I have a very important question to ask and I'm kind of nervous, but I could really use the help. I identify as bisexual, but lately I've been questioning.

This is kinda long, I ramble a lot down below so if you're not interested here's the question upfront to save you some trouble. Are there any lesbians who dated and had sex with men, only to realize they did it out of loneliness, not genuine attraction? I'm questioning my sexuality and while I can't say 100% certainty I am a lesbian, I want to know if anyone here has gone through something similar.

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Now, if you want to know more back story behind the question

I've been in 2 relationships with guys before and they only lasted a month each. They were both in high school so they were a long time ago, but I've had a few casual hookups since. I've had sex with guys before so I can't say I'm not attracted to men, but lately....I don't know. I think I might be a lesbian? But it's just taken me so long to realize?

For the longest time I was extremely depressed and alone. My self esteem was non existent and the only way I could feel good about myself is if someone else was attracted to me or told me I was special, cool, pretty, hot, etc,etc. I live in small town and so I've never run into a WLW. I could count on one hand the amount of LGBT people I've met living here. So because of this, guys were really my only dating pool. It was just expected that everyone you meet here is straight.

Whenever a guy hit on me or complimented me I was so convinced I liked them, when in reality I just liked the attention. I loved the feeling of just being wanted by someone, I didn't actually want someone, y'know? I had to change, this wasn't healthy. I realized I had this problem during my first year of college and took a step back and did a lot of self reflection and the more I thought about the guys I was with, the more I realized they really weren't that special. I can't actually think of a real reason I liked them outside of they gave me attention. . And to top things off, none of the guys I've had sex with made me orgasm. I've faked everything. There were brief moments where it felt good, but not good enough. I didn't say anything because I didn't want to come off as "rude".

Being stuck in quarantine and having to be alone helped me changed. I found ways to keep myself company without the need of another person having to reassure me that I'm good enough, or that I'm special. Ever since, I don't know how else to explain it but I don't feel as attracted to men anymore. I can't stop thinking about women, I feel a bit repulsed by the idea of being with a man and even the male crushes I had on celebrities don't seem as appealing anymore. At the moment I'm still going to identify as bisexual, and who knows maybe I really am bisexual with a heavy preference towards women. I just want to know other people's experience and if they had one similar to mine.