I don’t want antidepressants?

Does anyone else feel like antidepressants numb you to what’s wrong with the world/your life and that you actually kind of want to feel sad? Like there are times I forget to take my meds for a week and I realize how much suffering I was “underreacting” to and don’t even want to go back on them? Maybe I need to feel sad and see what’s wrong with my life in order to fix it. When I’m on the meds I feel like I’m just letting it get worse but ignoring the consequences