My best decision

I left Islam because I was so confused and had so many doubts about Prophet Muhammad. I stopped looking into the Hadiths and history because I thought they were all wrong and that only the Quran was the truth. I left Islam, telling myself that I would return after reading the Quran this was because ofcourse I was attached , but I never came back. My thoughts never left me, and eventually, I just left Islam altogether. During my journey, one of my friends told me that he had left Islam a long time ago. Another friend said it too all were just hiding their beliefs. It was like God wanted me to leave. I cried for hours, asking Allah for signs, begging God to show me the right path, but I never received any clear answers. Looking back, I never imagined I would end up in this position. If I could go back in time and tell my younger self, she would be in shock. One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that whenever I said I would never do something, I ended up doing it. When I was younger, I promised myself I would never grow my nails, but now I do. There are so many similar situations. I used to say, "If I ever leave Islam, I pray to God to take my life,"but now I left. but reading the Quran, I realized the harshness of it all. It made me believe it couldn’t possibly be from God. Why would God allow such harshness? And to be honest, I think Muhammad was a magician. The Arabs were right—he used to do magic. Observing Islam up close made me realize this. Muhammad claimed to be special, made by God for a purpose, but we are all souls. So why was he so special? I now see God as unjust in this context. He could be magician, he could be a leader as he was intelligent he could be a judge as he was just and alot more but why so special by god. It became clear to me that Islam is a lie. I am now a spiritual person who believes in God. The more I delve into spirituality, the more I see that Muhammad copied from previous religions, and I now view him as a magician. I don’t hate him for copying other religions; or for being a magician after all people at that time were really cruel I hate him for what he did to women, for allowing slavery, and for the wars Umar waged. Now, Umar might not have been directly connected to Muhammad in some ways, as the wars took place after his death, but the way he treated women and the fact that slavery wasn’t abolished during Muhammad’s time—those are things I cannot overlook. Other religions before Islam were also complicated and flawed, but they were reformed. In contrast, Muhammad's Quran is harsh, and people are afraid to leave Islam because of it. The culture of the 6th century is embedded in Islam, and it shapes everything. As a spiritual person I might would have appreciated Muhammed because he was clever intelligent and knowladgable personhe knows how to do magic that's what he used to do in the cave of Hira cause re couldn't do that in his house ofc apart from that he was better then people of those time who used to burry their daughters only if he wouldn't have let his army grape women's and wouldn't have taken women's as slaves like safiya his wife And wouldn't have given permission to animals like Umar

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