Addiction to my fantasy world

Ever since primary school i was on the path to great things, or so i was told. Good grades, good extra-curriculars, good kid. But over the course of ticking off these tasks on the to-do list for success, i just got disillusioned and as an act of rebellion or so i thought at that time but was just self-sabotage, i veered off off that laid out path. I thought i would be happy but I traded the dreary but safe path for an uncertain future. Now i am unsure about what i want to do. In life, this weekend, for lunch today. And so i started living in my head. It was a great place to be, nothing could touch me, if i did not like something, i can just change the plot line, the characters, myself.

I liked it. In fact, i liked it so much, i build my whole life there. I put all my thoughts, emotions, dreams there. I created people, stories, situations that i wanted. to the point where now i do not have patience for people who don’t immediately get what im saying cause they always do in my head, when i cannot master a skill immediately cause i can in my head, avoid going places where i would receive too much stimulus and would have to be present in this plane of existence. “Reality”. There is a name for this : maladaptive daydreaming.

The psychological phenomenon when a person loses themselves in their dream world to such an extent that they feel that is their real world and this day-to-day drab humdrum is not where they are meant to be. It’s an interesting phenomenon and could possibly be the basis of what Cobb’s wife in inception had started to feel. The dream world is where they are happy, where they have control, where they have the certainty that they will always be safe.

But this is not a psychology lesson. This is about feeling like you are a waste of space. Of knowing you have the potential to do something but just can not. No. Just do not. I think we gotta have a support group or some shit man ,honestly its an addiction.