Identity Crisis and DNA test results (mixed people) (i know this says mixed race but i feel like showing my results .. would help in this topic)

so basically all my life i thought i was spanish i never knew until i was around 10 i found out that spanish wasn’t a race. around that age too i grew up around a lot of other hispanic and black kids , and ppl would always how my skin was so light but then k would get comments sometimes about my nose or my hair texture and before 10 i didn’t think i looked that white i don’t think i thought of it , i didn’t even really know why i would get comments about my hair or my nose and then by 10 i started searching up stuff about race bc if this just the begging of my identity crisis 😭.. and people would be like are you black are you white , and when i found out hispanic wasn’t a race i was like ?!? idkkk what to sayyy bc ppl perceive me differently, and then people would just start assuming i’m black (but like mixed black ) or like a mulatto hispanic and i didn’t know hating to say … i asked my mom when i got older about out ancestry and she never really told me anything ab anything but she did tell me that before colonization we have some black and white ancestry from her fathers side , idk how white or black that are or if they’re mixed with anything else but yeah and then her mom is indigenous and she told me she has like one white or white looking person she knew in her family i think maybe it was one of her grandparents she said idk .. and i’m like okayy.. and then my father , when i looked back at it when i asked him all he said was everything but when i got older he honestly was never sure he’s like oh people always tell me i look like i’m black or mixed whatever , his father is like half or who knows whatever percentage chinese, but he’s cuban idk too much detail on that tbh. and his mom they was like oh she’s white (her ethnicitys cuban) but she got black features , talking ab her nose and stuff and also her hair also i get curly hair from both my parents and i forgot to mention my moms honduran , and so are both her parents but anyways … and no one would really tell me too much ab my grandmother but then i seen my gramas sisters and they’re browskin , or lightskin but definitely darker then my grandma , and then both her premia ate darker then her , her mom looks black w maybe something else and the dad looks maybe mestizo idk , ill insert pics if i can find them .. .. and then i’m feeling like things have just been being hidden from me , and later my dad told me him mom practiced santeria and that originates from nigeria .. so idky they said she was white especially when she has black looking siblings , and then they was like oh she’s probably french or that she is just assuming ..?? like idk but anyways ….. as i got older the more i got told i took more african decent than compared to when i was younger.. and then i felt like i always had to prove that i wasn’t white , and i’m not fluent in spanish(also i live in America) so it’s like i wasn’t spanish enough for the Spanish kids. i didn’t feel white enough or ever fit into that , i feel like i’ve have my closet connects with black people even tho something’s some of them think i am white (not all , & i’m js pale asf) , and but you know they helped me manage my hair , and then i started seeing more people that was like my complexion with features like mine saying theyre black or half black or whatever and then bc i never really been around a lot of white people, until my junior year of high school bc i moved towns/citys , wtv . but i still hung out with the black kids and no one rlly calls me white ass much as they did when i was with more minorities but , like i said it wasn’t all . i feel like i’m being forced to pick a side but not all of my family looks one certain thing they’ll look mixed or ppl will js looks different, or the people that do look like they one certain thing they’re dead or something, not bc it was a long time ago they was alive i just don’t have a lot of family, and i feel like the way i do my hair and take care or it , definitely black people have helped me so much with that , and specifically my nose , our noses are so similar , and even tho i’m pale , i can definitely tan but basically i feel like i don’t have a community and even tho i have black in both side they obviously don’t even know they’re mixed with black so when i do things or they way my life style is i have this thing in my mind where i feel like my family thinks i’m trying to someone or a race that i am not , and i have some black cousin in-laws and i don’t know they’re educated about stuff like this and i don’t wanna make them feel uncomfortable if i braid my hair , i just am tryna take care of it foreal ,or if whatever even no i’m literally related to people who look black but whatever , we all know ab the “i no black” shi but you get the point

anyways recently i took a DNA test and im points to post the result, i received it i think Sept 4, around that time and basically i’m confused and i keep tryna find a way to box myself into a race bc it’s what people do to me and i’m trying to break this mindset.. i have 30% spain 6% portugal idk what race that is people keep saying white some people keep saying they’re mixed but they’re also colonizers do idk but besides those i am

9% european 14% asian 17% Sub-Saharan Africa 22% indigenous and like 2 other things but you’ll see in the ss and yeah like idk i was kinda confused bc where i’m indo central american .. i know my moms parents are honduran so would the black from my grandfather side show up in the indo? or an afro country ?? idk.. but whatever like i said ab the Spain and Portuguese idk what to classify that some people i saying it’s white/Iberians(idek what that means)/and more mestizo so idfk i’m fucking confused asf , and i got belize and belizians are mostly black apparently but that was also apart on the indo so idfk i’m really confused… and i don’t wanna keep being at war with myself or feel like “have to choose” a race or whatever the case may be bc atp i feel like i’m living my life and deciding my worth or who i am depending on other options like shi , im even scared to straighten my hair and i used to want straight hair so bad but now i feel like my skin is too like .. and i’m caring way to much about others and i feel like i’m pushing it i feel like pushing and feeding into pills thought about half of america probably thinking i’m white and the other half thinking i’m black or mixed whatever , im tired of living this way i just wanna love me bc alll this race shi doesn't effect my worth as a person so why am i letting it?

i doubt someones gonna really read this but hey, i needed to vent even if no one will listen .. but that’s it’s thanks so whoever made it do the end, i appreciate you !