A cacophany of thoughts

I just sit still in the smog today. The haziness not just suspended in the free space but fogs the chambers of my mind. I wonder how many lives i could've saved. How many people are there in some need of me and i am just too unapproachable for them? I have been a part of healthcare since years. Working relentlessly in COVID when people took humble refuge in their homes and locked their doors for every needy and stray i came across. Me and my dad roaming street to street, lane to lane- to help any and everyone. From medicines for the elderly to diapers to the newborns - i loved helping each, even the healthy and the fit who were scared of a micro-organisms. Life is funny - we are easily threatened by something that isn't even visible to the naked eye but are often mindless and indifferent to scenes unfolding right in front of us. I still feel if i could help a few more, maybe just a few more. Hold the hands of sick to let them know that i have got them.

Later i was invited by a healthcare startup to manage the geriatric unit. There wasn't a single day when i did not sit and cry thinking about the situations these aged are going through. From reminding them their name to making them remember that they haven't had their meals - Alzheimer's broke several parts of me that i didn't even know existed. I saw the toothless and wrinkled smiles vanishing. The spark in the eyes dimming and the hands that had a grasp, losing it. I still wish to console each elder i came across to tell them that they were not alone. Maybe their kids had left them but i was there. I wish i could do more. I wish their senses allowed comprehension and i would console that it's okay to spill food. It's okay to tremble. It's okay to look wrinkled. It's all okay.

Then i saw the little kids stricken with genetic disorders. Those little innocent and adorable smiles and round faces with round and chubby arms. Sheer innocence that could melt anyone's heart. They were keen to learn and decipher whatever their little brain was capable of and it was the most heart warming sight. I remember training the staff to deal with these little kids with utmost patience and kindness for they are little blessings taken as a burden. They were never a burden. I could hold them all day and smile at their little antics. But i still wish the conditions allowed me more.

Then as i used to return back i used to find these little and adorable puppies - barking ever so slightly. Especially during winters, it was a rough competition of survival. I remember sneaking them inside my home and keeping them warm. I remember bringing the kittens and feeding the chirpy squirrels. I remember looking at puffy birds in the chilly winter morning. If they allowed me to touch them, i would hold them in my palms till they would be warm and cozy enough. I have a lot to do yet.

Now today when i sit and reminiscence, i still feel at loss for i still haven't done enough. I wish to do more and will continue doing more but not with a tag of a job, rather a responsibility. If all of us could take a responsibility to look after a few underserved people and helpless furry beings around us - Would it make the world slightly more liveable? Or am i hallucinating once again?

I wish to see a world that doesn't become a part of bystander effect, rather is a part of an action. I wish to see a world more humane, kind, humble and empathetic.