Want to get back with my ex

It’s a long story. Got together when we were 16/17. We weregreat sober. But slowly and eventually we let alcohol win I guess. We were physically and emotionally abusive with each other, and night after night we spent fighting. We spent two years in a room in his grandparents house, but when we moved out into our first home, everything fell apart. We kept working and eventually bought our first real house together at 20/21, still heavily drinking and fighting. Finally June of 24, I left and then lost control, got onto coke real bad, totaled my 81 pickup, had to sell my horse. I’m knocked up on antidepressants and anxiety pills. My ex tells me he’s done with the life of alcohol and wants me to come home, he’s been 8 months sober, hell, longer than me… I can’t even stay sober a week. I just miss him and my old life. My mom is dating a millionaire and keeps telling me I need to find a rich man to date or marry, but I just miss what was mine, my old life and my old home. Please tell me I’m not stupid for wanting to go back to him..