I want to have nicer things

I used to have a really chill cat for roughly 15 years. She got killed by a pit mix that got loose. My son grew up with this cat so he was devastated. I eventually had him pick a new cat at an adoption event. This was 8 years ago. This cat has been pretty terrible and I think I've given him a fair chance. He used to swipe food right off your plate but now he just sniffs around you while you eat but if unattended he'll take it. He's destructive and nothing is off limits for him to claw and destroy. We need a new dining set and as we look online I keep reminding my husband, "nothing with apholstered chairs, he will destroy them like he destroyed these". Maybe I want apholstered chairs, why does a cat make the damn rules?! My 2nd child is very medically complex and a terrible sleeper. If by chance she sleeps decently, this cat will wonder why I'm not up and claw my bed from underneath until I get up. He has food so idk why he does this. He also walks all over us while we sleep too. Although neutered, he sprays inside the box, making it very difficult to clean and the spray smell is worse than regular cat pee. My least favorite thing is the scooting. He scoots his butt across the floor after pooping sometimes and I've taken him to the vet for this and they don't see a reason why. I don't always see him do it or see the "trails" unless it's light enough so we've potentially walked through them and could be spreading poo germs throughout the house so I have to mop everyday. As I stated before I have a medically complex child and the germ factor has me freaked, if she drops a toy on the floor I take it and wash it. He's also almost tripped me several times while carrying her, she's 5 and can't walk so I'm not able to see this cat under foot carrying a bigger child. He won't stay off counters, tables or any furniture. He's very fluffy so his fur is everywhere and our clothes and bedding are always covered as well as litter that gets stuck in all that fur gets tracked on our furniture. I have a lot to deal with involving my younger child and I'm tired of keeping up with this cat. My son has had enough too, he shit in his hamper the other day and his bedroom furniture has been clawed up too. We have a female cat that is ok. I think she would be happier without him because he likes to fight with her and she's just minding her own business and she only Claws what is meant for cats. I just want to be able to have nicer things in my home that he doesn't claim and ruin. I bought a new $200 rug (he never clawed the old rug) and he's decided it's his new favorite thing to destroy and multiple times a day I catch him clawing it and make him stop. He never learns. He makes all of us miserable but my issue is how do I ethically rehome or surrender him? Who would want this cat?! Why do I feel so guilty about it? I know we'd all be happier but I feel like a shitty person. I almost posted somewhere else that was just for pets issues or cat issues. Thank God, I found this sub. It's been liberating knowing I'm not alone in my desire to live without animals in my home.