So…

Way back when I was just a little bitty bitch living in a box up your ass half a block down the street from Jerry’s Bait Shop, you know the place, well anyway, life was going shit and everything was just PENIS!!! Except of course for the undeniable fact that every fucking morning, my stupid mother would make me a big ol’ bowl of shit for breakfast. D’aww fucking bullshit! Every single fucking morning! It was fucking driving fucking crazy! I said to my mom, I said “Hey, bitch! What’s up with all the shit?” And my fucking mother she just looked at me like a cow looks at a dick and testicles, and she leaned right down next to me and she said… “GO FUCK YOURSELF!!!” And then she tied me to the wall, stuck a funnel in my mouth and force fed me nothing but shit until I was 26 fucking years old! That’s when swore that some day, some fucking day I would get out of that fucking basement and travel to a magical far away place, where the sun is always shit and the air smells like warm piss and the towels are fucking fluffy!