I regret not having an abortion

I'm currently 7 months pregnant. Due at the end of February and if I don't get these things off my chest I'm going to snap.

This is by far the worst thing I've ever experienced in my life, I have been deathly sick with my pregnancy. I was diagnosed with hypermesis gravidium in my first trimester and it has not eased off since, there are days where I pee and poop myself from puking so violently. On top of the HG I had a pre existing heart condition called superventricular tachycardia (SVT) and almost every single time I puke it shoots my heart rate up to dangerous levels 215-245bpm. I've been in the hospital almost weekly if not a few times a week for Adenison to restart my heart, I am on medication for it but cannot have an ablation until after I give birth. I have now been diagnosed with Preeclampsia which is just yet another horrendous and life threatening pregnancy sickness. I deeply regret not having an abortion, something in me couldn't terminate the pregnancy.

On top of all of that I am also doing it alone. I lost my job in the beginning of December due to being out of work so much with health complications due to pregnancy and I am diligently trying to search and find another job as quickly as I can to be able provide and pay my bills. I'd like to mention that I'm doing this 100% alone and when I say alone I mean alone. The baby's father is not in the picture and I do not have any family, I have friends but they either do not live nearby or are very busy with their own families and lives so I have absolutely no help, NONE, NOTHING! And I'm expected to raise a newborn ALONE?!? I get so many comments from single moms talking about I did it on my own... no you're doing it on your own now, you weren't completely alone your entire pregnancy with life altering health complications then we're also completely alone through the newborn stage, I'm not saying that doesn't exist, but I have yet to come across one woman who has had this same/similar experience. I am desperately wanting to do adoption because I do not want to raise a child alone and struggle the way I do but at the same time my heart will not let me accept the fact that I could give away my child.

The father is an absolute useless trashbag who already has one daughter that he created 10 years ago and signed the rights over to for her to be raised by someone else. This man has essentially decided to step out of the picture. We were in a relationship when I was pregnant and I ended that relationship because I wasn't happy in the relationship even before I got pregnant.. so the simple fact that I broke up with him BUT still made it very clear that I wanted him to be part of the pregnancy and help me with it.. nonetheless he was still too immature and scorned by the fact that I broke up with him so he essentially said fuck you and the baby(Dude is 32) I have had friends reach out to him for some small type of assistance or help because of how horrendous I have had it medically and we get nothing.

I am so tired all of the time, I feel so fucking useless and worthless because now I don't have a job, I don't have a lot of money to keep my roof over my head. I have exhausted every fucking assistance program possible. Social Services will not help me pay my utility bills because I have no children in the home. Everything has been a absolutely horrendous and dead end for me. This has quite literally ruined my life and ruined who I am as a person and I don't know what to do anymore. I have no one, I have nothing but three dogs and a baby that is fixing to be here and rely on me and I cannot get any help.