I don’t want to have another child…

I have a one year old son.

Before I had him I wanted to at least have two kids. After years of trying, medications, and surgeries… I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy.

Since then my whole world almost flipped upside down. I had (still have) severe postpartum depression and anxiety. I couldn’t function for the first months of his life and my husband and I had to move in with my parents until I was at least sane enough to do it on my own.

After he got older I could handle situations better but now I’m struggling with him still waking at night… refusing to eat solids… but he’s still a great baby even through all that…

BUT I NEVER WANT TO HAVE ANOTHER BABY EVER AGAIN. My husbands family wants me to have another… but I absolutely do not feel I could mentally or emotionally handle another baby.

The end of every day I have to step away and collect myself. I feel like I’m failing motherhood. I feel like I’m not a good mom. I feel guilty my son will not have a sibling. I feel like a shell of what I used to be… does it get better?